Sunday, October 14, 2012

Need a #Laugh? The Urban Dictionary Chimes in on Halloween



For kicks and giggles, I visited the Urban Dictionary ( The Urban Dictionary Website )to dig up some fun definitions related to Halloween. If you've never visited the Urban Dictionary, you should. I often find some hilarious definitions for everyday words there. It's definitely a place where you can get a good laugh (might I suggest you look up crack head/crackhead for one or two clever definitions submitted by readers).

Disclaimer: The following do not necessarily reflect my opinions or beliefs, and some of what follows includes language of an adult nature. I pulled these definition straight from the Urban Dictionary website, so they could contain misspelled words and bad punctuation. although I tried to fix where possible to improve readability.


Halloween  Definitions According to the Urban Dictionary

Vampire:
  1. High-school or college-age girl who is high-achieving, clean cut, athletic and good looking by day, and a disturbed, recreational drug or alcohol user by night. Just like the horror-movie monster, a modern vampire looks like a human, but they're blood sucking demons. You don't know about their deadly habits until it's too late. Just like the bite of count Dracula, a vampire will try to suck you into her world of darkness with a kiss or blowjob.
  2. Blond, blue eyes, tall, beautiful, gorgeous, handsome, & someone you want to have babies with so you can produce some vampire babies.
  3. For the love of God, vampires are FICTIONAL! If I see one more fucking "goth" retard on the internet claim to be a REAL VAMPYRE OMG OMG OMG I might explode.
Witch:
  1. Anyone whom we burn that weighs the same as a duck. (Also made of wood).
  2. A moody white girl.
  3. Your 3rd grade teacher.
  4. A woman who is dressed up in a pointed hat, has a long nose, has a wart, and who is made of wood. They are often burned, and can turn people into newts (but they might get better).
  5. Someone who rips their dick off and uses it as a wand. [Donya - Say what?]

Zombies: 
  1. A "safe" and offbeat excuse for guys to horde guns, ammunition, tactical gear and other survival supplies without being tagged as being a member of a militia or other extremist group (although your wife and neighbors may think you are a little crazy).
  2. Humans that at one point were turned to zombies by being bit by another zombie and eventually dying. Extreme stupidity surrounds these creatures as they mindlessly bash on the barracades of surviving humans. They can be said to not be able to "climb stairs," as my friend says...but others may say otherwise while their face is being ripped off completely after the zombie leapt up the stairs. Shotguns are most affective at close range with these beings, the only way to stop the damn thing from moving would be to shoot its brain or completely sever the head...this does not mean cut its head off because it will in fact still be "alive." So the best way I would have to say to survive a zombie attack would be to kill yourself because...you're screwed anyway...you think you can survive? No you can't. You're fucked.  

Halloween: 
  1. Celebration where little kids dress up and get candy; teens dress up, get drunk, and go get candy; and adults dress up, get drunk, and give out candy. Funny how things all work out.
  2. The day that makes the other 364 worth living.
  3. The one day of the year you can beg strangers for food and not get told to fuck off. As long as you're dressed up like a ghost/the devil/transvestite.
  4. It's when you dress up in either cheap, store-bought costumes or elaborate, self-made ones, watch Rocky Horror Picture Show, get your friends to do the Time Warp, and go on a severe candy binge. Until someone spoils your fun by reminding you that it's April.
  5. An annual excuse for girls to dress like sluts and get away with it.
  6. The only day of the year when it's acceptable for guys to dress up as girls in school.
  7. John Carpenter's best movie.
And THAT is Halloween according to the Urban Dictionary. LOL.

3 comments:

  1. Loved vampire definition No. 3 and all the zombie ones. But no werewolf definition? :( Argh.

    ReplyDelete