What To Do When Your Novel Isn't Speaking To You

On Facebook yesterday, I saw a post by another author where she voiced her frustration over how she couldn't seem to trudge through her edits. She had been reading the same three paragraphs for three hours, unable to make any progress.

Man, do I feel her pain, as I'm sure all writers do. It's the nature of the beast to fall into periods of low or even non-existent productivity, and when that happens, it's easy to fall into a panic, seeing the time slipping away as your deadline looms ever-nearer. (NOTE: Even indie authors should assign themselves deadlines; otherwise, it's too easy to poo-poo away that slipping time with a wave of the hand and a flippant, "I'll get to it eventually.")

So, how do you handle these potential time-bombs of panic? When the story just isn't working?

Before I talk about how I handle them, I'd like to share where I think some of these low-or-no productivity periods come from.

I have learned from experience that when a story isn't "talking" to me, whether through the draft phase or the editing phase, or when I'm struggling with a manuscript, it means one of two things:

1. I am forcing too much of me into the story, meaning I've stopped listening to my characters and am trying to finagle them into situations that I contrived, not them. In other words, I have ceased telling the story the characters want to tell and am instead forcing the story I want to put into their mouths.
2. I am not understanding my characters.

For example, In Rebel Obsession, I struggled to like Miriam and portray her in a positive light. In the first draft, she came off like a spoiled, self-obsessed brat. Ugh. I wrung my hands and gnashed my teeth. What was wrong with her? And why wouldn't she talk to me? Every time I asked her why she was the way she was or what she wanted, she said, "I don't know." Double ugh! And then one day the light bulb went on. She really did not know. As soon as I realized that, she rejoiced inside my mind. I got it! I finally got it! That was the angle I needed to portray her from. Once I understood her, I was able to portray her correctly as a confused, rebellious character who was struggling to figure out where she belonged in a world where high expectations that she didn't want and had no idea what to do with were placed on her. She simply did not know what she wanted, because she had been sheltered all her life. Hence the source of her problems. She wanted to break free and figure herself out.

Long story short: As long as I am listening to and understanding my characters, the story flows out of me. But as soon as I start trying to force my will, the story shuts down.

This happened in my latest work, Return of the Assassin. I went into the preparation with this story holding high hopes. The characters had powerful stories to tell, and the passion between them was smokin'. And then I started worrying about word-length. My last book in the series clocked in at 115,000 words. The one before that was over 80,000. The one before that: 60,000. So, I decided I needed this book to be around 90,000 words or more. Next I began to worry about all the side characters. I needed to work Trace into the story, because fans love him. So, how was I going to make Trace a part of this book so that it worked? And then there was my new character, Maddox, Trace's father. I needed to work him in. Oh, and then there were the other new characters: Kieran, Tully, Searcy, Lorena, and Savill. And then I needed to make sure to mention Brak, another new character who is pivotal to the ending of the book, as well as future books. Oh, and let's not forget Apostle and Bishop, Grotek and Chane, and, and, and.....AAAAUUUUGGGHHH!

Before I knew it, Return of the Assassin had shut down. Not a peep for weeks. Panic set in: "OMG! Why won't the book talk to me? My deadline for the draft is the end of March, but the story won't even whisper right now! How will I finish it in time to release the book by September? Oh, despair, despair!"

Now we come to where I answer the question: What do I do when a story is no longer speaking to me? Maybe my methods will help some of you overcome the same writer's block.

In the case of Return of the Assassin, I set the book aside and worked on other projects for a few weeks. This let the manuscript simmer in my subconscious where I could work out the issues without really thinking about them. A couple of weeks ago, I picked ROTA, as I call it, back up and started trudging through it. I began editing even though the writing phase wasn't over, which is something I rarely do, because, in my opinion, a writer should never start editing before finishing the writing phase. It's too easy to fall into a self-defeating loop of continual edits and rewrites without ever getting to the end of the manuscript.

But in my case, I needed to figure out where the story had gone off track, so I started rewriting. But the more I rewrote, the more desperate the situation seemed to become. The characters just weren't talking, and I was becoming very upset. I mean, what I was rewriting was better than what was there before, and the changes strengthened the story by leaps, but I was suffering to pull the story out.

Then one morning, I was getting ready for work and said to my characters, "Okay, what's wrong? Why isn't this working?"

As I worked through a dialogue with the characters, they stripped me down to the basics of what was important in the story. Within twenty minutes, my problem was solved. My main characters, Malek and Gina, showed me how their story had become everything but their story. I would have seen this in edits, but it was so much nicer to see it now, so I could save myself a lot of time and aggravation.

So, my worries about word length? Gone. If the story comes in at 60,000, then so be it. I'd rather have a wham-bang, kick-ass story at 60,000 words than a so-so one at 120,000. Trace? Sorry, but he's out. I know fans love him and want him, but his book is next, and the scenes I wanted to include in ROTA that focused on him will better serve his book, not Malek's. He might get a tiny mention, but that's it. Kieran and Tully? Gone from this book. Searcy, Savill, and Lorena? They stay, because this story depends on them. Basically, I stripped out anything that had nothing to do with this story, and pumped up Malek and Gina into powerful leading characters, ripe with emotion and inner turmoil, who have brought me to tears numerous times as I write. As a result, ROTA is flowing again, and Trace's book is already off to a fabulous start because of all the Trace scenes I removed from ROTA. So it's a win-win, with a bonus: I will blow my completion date of March 31 out of the water by over a month, and will finish ROTA's draft within the next week, maybe two at the most. What that means is that I will be able to release the book sooner than expected, and that I can start Trace's book sooner than expected, too.

All because I pulled my ego, influence, and personal desires out of the equation and let the characters take charge. It's their story to tell, after all.

In summary, here's how to help get you back on track if you've fallen off of it (I use each of the following methods to help break me through plateaus):

• Make sure you're not forcing too much of YOU into the story. It's not your story. It's your characters' story. You are simply the vehicle to tell their story. It's your job to determine the best way to tell it so readers will love it, and that's it.
• Are you listening to the characters? If not, try listening and see if that helps.
• Are you understanding the characters? Again, really pay attention to what they're saying. You might be missing something like I was with Miriam.
• Are you worried about word length, secondary characters, and side plots? If so, forget about all that. Stop, breathe, and focus on what the main story for your book is about. Write about that. The word length will take care of itself.
• Breathe. Walk away and just breathe. Watch TV, read a book, go to a movie. Eventually, when you least expect it, the story will begin talking to you again...when IT is ready, not when YOU are. Be patient.
• Work on another project. Sometimes it's another project that wants your attention. If another story is talking to you, that's the one that needs your attention right now. Don't fight it and force yourself to work on a project that isn't speaking to you when another one is. You'll blow both.
• Maybe you just need a week off. Everyone needs a break, even a writer.
• Read a book on writing or a book outside your normal genre. I am reading a nonfiction book on running right now (Born to Run) that, every time I pick it up, I'm inspired to write. The author has a fabulous way of putting things into words that is a joy to read and inspires my own writing. Furthermore, I read a book on Deep POV last November that rocked my writing world so powerfully that I put Rebel Obsession through a special last-minute edit that totally altered the story in a fabulous way. My editor said it was a totally different—and much better—book after I made the changes.

Writing is work. It's not supposed to be easy. And like with anything we do in life, sometimes we are just not in the right frame of mind to write. We get into moods: I feel like seeing a movie; I feel like Chinese for lunch; I feel like taking a nap; I feel like going for a walk; I feel like taking a day off...and yes, I feel like not writing today, or this week, or whatever. And that's okay. Because in time, you WILL feel like writing again. And in time, the stories will begin talking again, too.

Does anyone else have other suggestions for breaking through plateaus? Please add them below in the comments.

Happy reading and writing!

-D

Counting Blessings & An AKM Update

Really? It's February already? Where did January go?

2013 has already started off with a bang. A loud, very wild KABOOM! But in a good way.

Aside from having to dodge a couple of stalkers, January was an outstanding month. I released my fourth AKM book, Rebel Obsession, while simultaneously offering book one, Rise of the Fallen, as a free read.

Oh goodness! I can't describe how successful the free offering was. Best thing I think I could have done to celebrate the release of book four, because January was a record-breaking month. I sold more books in January than I did in all of 2012, and my final results amazed even me. Fan feedback was incredible, with my AKM boys pulling in hundreds of new fans, and Rise of the Fallen being voted by readers as their second favorite story for January on GraveTells, ahead of books by Lara Adrian and Kresley Cole. I'm one extremely grateful person right now for a lot of reasons, one of which is that I have a mountain of respect for Adrian and Cole, and I love their work, and for my little story to be voted so favorably by readers in a category of stories that included theirs is humbling and unfathomable. So, many thanks to those who have shown such love for Rise and all the other AKM books.

Additionally, book two of the AKM series, Heart of the Warrior, has won over a tremendous amout of first-time m/m romance readers, and the feedback from readers has been heartwarming. I have received so many comments about how a reader had never considered reading a m/m romance before, but Heart of the Warrior won them over. Readers love the raw emotion and love between the characters in Heart, and if I had a nickel for every reader who said they broke down in tears from the story (in a good way), I'd be rich. One reader actually told me Heart touched him on a very real, personal level, because Sev's and Ari's story reminded him of his own. That means so much to me to know that something I wrote touched someone in such a very personal way.

Furthermore, the initial feedback for Rebel Obsession has been outstanding. I've had several tell me that Rebel is the best of the series so far, with a few more saying that this story also brought them to tears. The pain of the characters seemed to touch readers on a deeper level than I thought it would. And who would have thought Io could redeem himself after the way he behaved in Heart of the Warrior? But, he did. And fans love him.

Lastly, the response to Rise of the Fallen carried over to Micah's Calling, the novella follow-up to Rise. MC was my #1 seller in January, which is simply amazing. I actually feel like MC is my weakest of the series, but fans have loved it. Just loved it.

Next up is Malek's book, Return of the Assassin, and I hope he continues the trend so that readers can once again cry and rejoice through his pain and eventual (hopefully) salvation.

And I know you're all waiting for Traceon's story, Bound Guardian Angel. He's on his way. His story comes after Malek's, and it's shaping up in my mind to be worth the wait. But something tells me that even after his story, we'll hear more from him. A lot more.

In addition to those two books, I'm also working on a four-part prequel, which will include a view into Tristan's and Josie's story, as well as a novella for Sev and Ari (yes, my hot m/m couple get a novella). Beyond that, there's lots more to come in the AKM world, with a sister series beginning to develop, as well as 5 more AKM books already in various stages of planning.

Happy reading and writing! And HAPPY 2013 TO ALL!

-D

Release Day At Last! Rebel Obsession Is Here! #BlogTour #Giveaway

I've been a busy author for the past week, getting my latest book ready for release.

Rebel Obsession is the third novel in my All the King's Men (AKM) series, and tells the story of the ill-reputed playboy, Io, as he finds himself lured out of his Casanova ways into uncharted territory: monogamy. As you can imagine, for Io to discard his womanizing lifestyle, which he was quite content living, takes a pretty special female. Enter the king's daughter, Miriam. She's one such female, and not because of her royal connection. Io was smitten with her even before learning she was the princess. Unfortunately, her father stands in their way of being together, and when a rebel like Io goes up against the king to stake a claim to his daughter, sparks will definitely fly. But it sure makes for an entertaining story as we follow along and see how Io will overcome the adversity King Bain represents to take what's his, Miriam.

Rebel was a labor of love, the hardest book I've written to date, but the one I feel the most proud of. This story morphed numerous times through about a dozen edits, partial rewrites, and proofs, finally closing up at 114,800 words. It's the longest book of the series by a mile, and it's chock-full of action, as well as a couple of juicy sub-plots. New enemies are introduced, and a couple of other new characters come into play who will play pivotal roles in future books.

A special thank you goes out to cover model, Zach Tesar, and photographer Joem Bayawa (Joem Bayawa Photography in Chicago). Between the two of them, they gave me the perfect Io for the cover of the book, and Zach captured Io's rebellious, protective essence brilliantly. You can find Zach on Facebook here: Zach Tesar. Joem Bayawa has an impressive portfolio on Facebook, and you can see all his shots of Zach and so many more fabulous models here: Joem Bayawa Photography. Many blessings and gratitude to them for helping make the cover of Rebel Obsession a fan favorite. Make sure to swing by and tell them hello when you get the chance.

I hope you enjoy my latest installment, but be sure to follow the blog tour (schedule below) for a chance to win a free copy of the book, along with some swag, and make sure to pick up copies of the other books in the series:

Book 1: Rise of the Fallen
Currently FREE!
Amazon
Barnes & Noble
Smashwords
All Romance ebooks








Book 2: Heart of the Warrior
$3.99
Amazon
Barnes & Noble
Smashwords
All Romance ebooks

Novella Supplement: Micah's Calling
$2.99
Amazon
Barnes & Noble
Smashwords
All Romance ebooks







Blog Tour Schedule

Jan. 2 - I Smell Sheep

Jan. 3 - Ramblings From This Chick

Jan. 4 - Romancing the Book

Jan. 5 - Close Encounters with the Night Kind

Jan. 6 - Bookworm 2 Bookworm

Jan. 7 - The Reading Café

Jan. 8 - United by Books

Jan. 9 - Sizzling Hot Books

Jan. 10 - Vampires, Werewolves & Faries..Oh My!

Jan. 11 - Reading Between The Wines

Jan. 12 - Pimpin' Reads

Jan. 13 - Book Monster Reviews

Enjoy!
-D

New Year's Resolution For All Writers - The Patient Edit

"I will never rush through an edit again. I will give my first draft a month to breathe, then edit it, then another month to breathe, then edit it again, and another month, and another edit. Then a final edit and a proof...unless it needs more edits. And I will be honest with myself and not accept my book as finished until I feel to the bottom of my soul that I can't make it any better. I will also encourage my beta readers to be brutally honest with me and not get upset with them. I will listen objectively to what they have to say and if they don't like something or think it's not working, I will take their critique seriously and look into the issue and make necessary changes to alleviate the problem they pointed out."

I've already made this resolution. I took this vow earlier this year, and I kid you not, once you go through this exercise once, as long as you're editing right and utilizing your critique group correctly (by encouraging them to absolutely shred your manuscript and be blunt-force honest down to the ugly, hard, no-holding-back-for-fear-of-hurting-your-feelings truth), you will NEVER go back to editing in a rush again.

[A word on beta readers: They are there to help you. If you argue with them and don't listen to their critique, they will stop being honest with you and will stop reading for you. They can see things you can't, because you are too close to your manuscript. They have distance, so they can see where the piece falls short better than you can. LISTEN to them, and DISCUSS with them, but do not argue with them. Make them feel a part of the process by trusting their judgment. If you do that, you will win their trust and their loyalty.]

Okay, that's my lecture on how to work with a beta group. :) Back to the resolution and why I am so passionate about encouraging other authors to make it:

Four months ago, I thought my latest AKM novel, Rebel Obsession, was ready. I set it aside for a two months and when I picked it back up to proof it, I was appalled at how flat areas of the story were, and how a few scenes didn't flow smoothly. So I edited it again and set it aside for about a month. In that month, I read a powerful book on Deep POV (I blogged about it). When I re-read Rebel Obsession again during the proof, I was flabbergasted at how passive the story still was. Using the techniques I learned in the book on Deep POV, I put the manuscript through an intensive final edit and shot it to my editor.

Instant success! Night and day difference. It took that fifth or sixth (I lost count) edit to FINALLY bring the story to life.

I am so unbelievably impressed now with how Rebel Obsession turned out. The editing phase on this one lasted over six months and went through so many edits, I lost track. It's not even the same book it was after the first draft was written. Hell, it's not even the same book as it was after the second edit. And I'm damn proud of it. The loose ends have been tied, the awkward areas have been eliminated, the mechanics have been cleaned up, the characters have been honed, etc. The story has come alive, and the characters have with it. And here I thought it was ready two months ago. Ha! Two more rounds of edits proved me wrong, making me a die-hard believer of the "patient edit," as I'm calling it.

So I encourage all writers to be patient and have faith in the editing process. Fully commit to it, and I promise, you'll never edit the old, fast way again. Oh, and never stop educating yourself on good writing. Read every book you can get your hands on pertaining to the crafts of writing and editing.

Best wishes for a Happy New Year!

-D

Rebel Obsession—The Cover! Yes, Io's Book is Almost Here!

My next novel in my All The King's Men series is due out in January, and it's time to unveil the cover and blurb on my blog! Woot!

Former cobalt addict and AKM drug counselor, Io is a male vampire known as much for his abrasive personality as for his playboy lifestyle. In other words, he's not the likeliest to make friends and settle down. Life on the edge suits him, and he lives full throttle, making his own rules, and damn the consequences. What he wants, he takes, and what he wants now is Miriam. If only he can find a way to see her again without getting himself killed, but her father stands in the way.

Miriam is the daughter of the king. Strong-willed and defiant, she feels like a prisoner in her own home and struggles to break free from under her father’s oppressive hold. The king’s law surrounding Miriam is explicitly clear: No one touches her. Period.

In a fit of rebellion, Miriam has turned to cobalt to find relief and freedom, but now she’s a prisoner to addiction as much as to her father’s strict control. What's more, she can’t get sexy Io, who tended to her so gently as she recovered from her first overdose, off her mind. Will she ever see him again?

When Miriam overdoses a second time, she and Io are thrust back together, and all bets are off. Seeing each other was the one thing both wanted, and not even the king’s laws and threats of punishment will be enough to defuse their rebellious obsession with one another now that they’ve found each other again, even if the consequences are death.

Author’s Note: As we follow along with Io and Miriam, new and old enemies begin to emerge, and we get a glimpse of their deranged plans for the vampire race. Traceon’s story continues to develop as new characters are introduced who have had, and will have, a profound effect on his life. As usual, Micah is a dominant force, because…well…it’s Micah. Need I say more? I hope you enjoy this new installment to my All the King's Men series, due out in January, 2013. –Donya Lynne

My thanks to cover model, Zach Tesar, and Joem Bayawa Photography in Chicago. Love, love, love their work!

Dangerous Alpha Heroes #BlogHop - Who's Your Favorite Alpha?

What is it about powerful, dangerous male protagonists that make women go weak in their knees, their hearts to beat more forcefully, their breathing to accelerate? We see a damaged male with the power to destroy a city block, and we instantly swoon.

Traceon, one of my characters from my AKM series, is one such alpha male. In fact, he damn near stole the show from one of my other dangerous alphas, Micah, in Rise of the Fallen (book one of the series). And let me tell you, stealing the show from Micah is no small feat. Micah relishes in the spotlight and doesn't give it up easily.

Trace is the most dangerous and tormented of all my characters, and he's the one I get the most "fan mail" about: "When will you write Trace's book?" "I want more Trace." "Trace, Trace, Trace!" "I love Trace." "He's MINE!" He has built a loyal and rabid fan following of women who fight to be his, and his book is still 3 away from being published. Everyone wants to know what happens to him and who he will be paired up with, especially since it appears he has a connection with Micah, as well as with Micah's mate, Samantha.

The pitfall of charismatically dangerous alphas like Trace is that there is oftentimes a ton of pressure to make their stories perfect in the eyes of everyone, which is impossible. Just as with Vishous of the BDB and Acheron of the Dark Hunters, I'm sure Trace's book will receive its fair share of criticism. Inevitably, some fans will feel let down that he went this way instead of that way, but just as many will have felt let down had I taken him that way instead of this. All I can do as the author is stay true to my characters and give Trace the story he is demanding in my head. If I deviate from what he tells me he wants, he'll make me pay for it, but if I stay true to him, he will reward me in spades. Regardless, I will never shy away from writing about dangerous alpha heroes. I love them, readers love them, and they make for good stories.

My favorite alpha male is Micah from my own series. He has become a huge part of me and sizzles every time I write him into a scene. He's no holds barred and balls to the wall, and that's what I love about him. Before Micah, Vishous was my favorite (and do I really need to say where Vishous comes from? LOL). Now it's your turn to tell me: Who's your favorite alpha male?

Happy reading

PRIZES
I am giving away a $10 Amazon gift card to one lucky winner, as well as a free copy of one of my three AKM novels (your choice): Rise of the Fallen, Heart of the Warrior, or Micah's Calling. Make sure to leave your email so I can contact you if you win. If I am unable to reach the winner within 24 hours, I will draw a new winner.

Make sure to visit the other bloggers participating in this blog hop for more opportunities to win.


a Rafflecopter giveaway

Show vs. Tell - Don't Over-Caulk Your Window

NOTE: An unedited and unfinalized excerpt from my next AKM novel, Rebel Obsession, follows. Adult content.

I'll bet a thousand dollars that some authors read the title of today's blog post and said, "Oh God, not another lesson in showing vs. telling." Why? Because the concept of showing vs. telling has been beaten so forcefully into author's heads that it's almost become a catch-phrase or some kind of offensive slur. In fact, there is a mini-movement of sorts to do away with the concept. Obviously, I think that's a bit extreme, as well as misguided, since the concept of showing vs. telling receives the attention it does for VERY good reasons: 1) Many authors don't truly understand it (it took two years for me to get it) and NEED to learn it;  2) If you're simply telling your story to your readers without showing them anything, you are losing them.

Since the idea of writing and selling books is to keep the readers you've got and gain new ones, obviously you need to be learning all the ways to do that, which includes mastering the art of showing a story and not just telling it.

Readers want an experience, and the only way to give them that is by showing the story to them so that while they read it, they are watching the movie in their minds. It's hard to "experience" a story when it's just being told to you to the point you can't live it, breathe it, smell it, and even taste it. When you engage their senses and their imaginations through word pictures, you allow readers to build the "movie" in their mind so they can watch it while they read.

Perhaps the vehement antagonism toward showing vs. telling stems from the thought that when some writers are told they need to show more and tell less, they think they're being told they have to show everything. No, that's not the case. You need some narration (aka telling) to balance out the story, because you simply can't show everything, but when you can show a scene, you should, because it makes the scene infinitely more interesting.

I'm going to show you a sample from my own writing to give you an idea of what I'm talking about. I'm editing my next AKM novel, Rebel Obsession, and as I was reading over chapter two, I sat back and thought, "Ew! This is so boring. It's just straight narration and all telling." So, I reworked it. Keep in mind as you read these samples that this is only a first edit and that the story will go through at least five more rounds of edits before it's finished, but I have begun to transform the original "telling" scene into one that "shows" more of what's happening:


Original Scene

Io sat in the passenger seat of the Suburban next to Severin, and wasn't that about as comfortable as being rubbed with barbed wire? More than two weeks ago, Io had learned that his bestie, Arion, had taken Severin as a mate, and vice versa. All this had happened the night Sev's chest got blown open by that Gina chick who had thought Sev had killed her brother.

What a nightmare. Sev almost hadn’t made it through, flat-lining once while the doctors had worked on him.

But Sev had managed to survive, much to the relief of everyone, especially Arion, and had just returned to work a couple of nights ago. His and Arion’s newly-mated calling phase with one another had finally ended, which had made it safe for him to return to his job.

As far as his would-be assassin was concerned, Gina had split town after Sev graciously exonerated her of all responsibility. Mistakes happen, after all. Not usually with such destructive results, but Sev was a bigger male than Io. Io doubted he would have been able to excuse Gina’s actions under the same circumstances.

Oh well, Gina wasn’t his concern. And neither was the relationship between Sev and Ari, but even two weeks later, Io still couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that Ari was gay. Or that Ari and Sev had just spent the past two weeks doing God knew what to each other as they’d experienced their mated calling phases with each another. The calling was the time when a newly-mated male was his most fertile and went into hormonal heat. In fact, the only thing Io looked forward to about having a mate was the calling, being that it would make him a goddamn fucking machine. Two weeks of nearly constant orgasms and physical plowing into his mate was appealing on about a hundred different levels. The rest of the whole mating scene? Well, that was another story. But the idea of Sev and Arion having their calling with one another? No, Io didn’t like thinking about that.

If that made him homophobic, then he was guilty as charged.

How in the hell had his best friend turned out to be gay? Arion was a God damn fa--. Io stopped himself from thinking the word. He didn't know why, though, because for decades he had tossed the word, faggot, around like it was an everyday term. But now, with Arion turning out being gay, he just couldn't bring himself to say it or even think it, anymore.

He cleared his throat. "So, uh…how's Ari?"

Edited Scene

Io sat in the passenger seat of the Suburban next to Severin, and wasn't that about as comfortable as being rubbed with barbed wire? Sev had effectively stolen Io’s best friend, Arion, away from him when the two ended up coming out two weeks ago about their homosexuality, as well as the fact they had mated one another.

Double-take what?

Io still hadn’t wrapped his mind around how his bestie could have turned out gay after all the chicks they’d bagged together, but there was no mistake. Ari and Sev were mated to one another, and the bond that connected them was one of the strongest Io had ever seen between mates.

Just the thought of what the pair had spent the past two weeks doing to each other through their calling phases was enough to make Io squeamish. He just couldn’t picture Ari fucking a guy, for Christ’s sake, and if he tried to his stomach lurched. To say Io was homophobic was an understatement. But now he was all confused, because he had never imagined his closest compadre would turn out to be batting for the other team.

Sev turned down the heat in the cab and pulled into a parking garage where drecks liked to deal cobalt.

“How you feeling, man?” Io quickly dashed an awkward glance toward Sev before looking away uncomfortably. He knew that Sev knew how he felt about gays. Or at least how he used to feel about them. Now Io wasn’t sure what to think.

“Good.” Sev inclined his head warily.

“Your chest okay?” Io fiddled with the zipper on his military cargo pants.

Sev’s chest had been blown open by that assassin, Gina or whatever her name was, the night Io found out Ari and Sev had mated each other. Sev had been lucky to survive, flat-lining once before pulling through.

“Yeah, it's fine.” Sev threw Io an inquisitive look.

Io bobbed his head in acknowledgment. “Good. Good. Glad to hear it.” He averted his gaze and looked out the window, feeling like ants were crawling up and down the back of his neck. Being around Sev was so fucking awkward.

“I’m glad you’re glad.” Sev spoke in a measured cadence, as if he sensed the tension in the cab of the Suburban and was beginning to get pissed off about it, or maybe he was just irritated.

They circled up to the top level of the parking garage.

Io cleared his throat. "So, uh…how's Ari?"

This type of mass rewriting is typical of my round one editing cycle. After I let a manuscript rest for several weeks, when I pick it back up and read it with fresh eyes, a lot of crap pops at me that reads like a bad B-rate horror movie where ketchup is used for blood. My job is to take all that roll-your-eyes bullshit and turn it into something plausible that paints a vivid picture.

I don't think my edited version is perfect, but I do think it's way better than my original version. I removed most of the vapid narration and play-by-play, and eliminated a ton of unnecessary crap that I can work into the story later if need-be. I condensed one giant paragraph into a couple of sentences and rearranged the elements. The most important thing is that you get more of a sense of the discomfort and awkwardness between Sev and Io from the second version. I did this by adding dialogue, pulling more from within Io's point-of-view, and by using tiny snippets of narration sprinkled throughout.

So, you see, the point isn't to totally eliminate telling and narration. It's to make sure you're showing where possible and using the concept of telling to accent your showing to balance out your manuscript. Many authors weigh far too heavily on the side of telling, which makes the story dry and boring.

Think of telling as a gap filler. It's like the caulking around a window to seal out the cold air of winter. It's a small detail that you should hardly notice, if at all, which means if people are noticing it, you're using it too much or inappropriately, obscuring the view the window is trying to show you. If you over-tell your story, it's like applying caulking to the panes of glass to block out not only the cold air, but the picture, as well. It makes your window less effective and hinders its ability to provide you with a view. 

I know one author who uses absolutely no dialogue, which is the easiest way to show a story. I couldn't even finish the first chapter of her book because I couldn't picture anything that was happening and started tuning out because it was 100% narration. For example, instead of including the conversations written as dialogue (showing), she simply narrated that a conversation occurred between two characters (telling) and wrote lines such as, He told me I had to go upstairs so I thanked him. Why couldn't she have written:

"Go up two flights of stairs." He pointed up and bobbed his head in the direction of the stairwell.
I glanced over my shoulder then turned back and smiled at him. "Okay, thank you."

Seeing the dialogue with action tags is way more interesting than just being told about a conversation, wouldn't you agree?

So, don't lash out at the next person who says, "Show, don't tell," because they might have a point, and you might be applying to much caulking to your window.

Happy reading and happy writing.